happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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