arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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