the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
