Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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