Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
