I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
