She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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