Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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