so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
