Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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