I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
