my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
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last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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