everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
