Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
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