Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I came so hard my ears popped.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
