i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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