I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
