I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
