Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
