cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
