In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
