You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
