My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
