Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
