I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
