how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
