Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
