they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
