Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
