why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
