Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
