Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
