textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize