I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He keeps bees of course he's weird
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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