I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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