haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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