Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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