On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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