I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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