just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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