if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
How does one acquire holy water?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
