even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
