onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
