You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
