I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
