im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
