Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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