i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
