Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
