I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
