Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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