bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
