ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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