the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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