i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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