I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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