ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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