I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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