why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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