Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
