Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
