Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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