I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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