hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
