I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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