I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
