Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
