He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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