I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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