She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
