You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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