Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
