The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. š
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
