I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock