Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
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He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
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Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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