That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.