is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
