News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
