Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
