I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
