id be glad to
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Come share oat with me in your robe
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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