How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
